omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
