It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
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Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.