Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least