We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
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I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
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Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man