I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.