Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
