So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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