my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
