Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
