On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
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He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
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I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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