My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
porn star boner night. come get it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
