His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
