If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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