I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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