dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
YAS. BRING CRAB.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
