I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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