GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
