all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
