The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
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It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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