He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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