Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I FOUND THE LEGS
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
