sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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