Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
