How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
