Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Randomize
