Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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