I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
