At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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