chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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