i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
