Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
