apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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