she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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