It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
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You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
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All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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