sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
