sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
