my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
