aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
