I must be too annoying 4 u.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
