I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
