I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
