Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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