please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
