Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
