I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
