There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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