You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just gargled with NyQuil
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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