we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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