The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
