Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
