he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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