Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
