this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
