so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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