And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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