Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
