Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
