I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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