Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
