The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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