Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
