is your mom at the bar?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
