Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
